


A Night of Merriment and Top Secret Infiltrations

by PepperSoniRoni



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Background Relationships, Batfamily (DCU), Batfamily (DCU) Bonding, Batfamily (DCU) Fluff, Brotherly Bonding, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Christmas Cookies, Christmas Eve, Christmas Fluff, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Cuddling & Snuggling, Does that warrent a teen rating?, Domestic Batfamily (DCU), Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fun, Gen, Good Older Sibling Tim Drake, Good Parent Selina Kyle, Good Younger Sibling Damian Wayne, Heist, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, I didn't bother, I said ass like once?, Infiltration, Interfaith, Mentioned Alfred Pennyworth, Metahuman Duke Thomas, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Language, POV Bruce Wayne, POV Tim Drake, Sleepy Cuddles, Snacks & Snack Food, Sneaking Around, Tim Drake & Damian Wayne Bonding, Tim Drake & Damian Wayne Get Along, Tim Drake-centric, Traditions, Wayne Manor, eh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28263750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepperSoniRoni/pseuds/PepperSoniRoni
Summary: It's Christmas Eve in Gotham, and there is only one thing on the minds of her protectors: Stealing Bruce's Cookies.AKA: It's Christmas tradition to infiltrate the Manor an steal some of the holiday treats, and this year is no different. And if there's a touch of brotherly bonding, then so be it!For the Prompt: Midnight Snack Run
Relationships: Batfamily Members & Alfred Pennyworth, Batfamily Members & Bruce Wayne, Cullen Row & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Bette Kane, Duke Thomas & Jason Todd, Kate Kane & Harper Row, Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne, Stephanie Brown/Cassandra Cain, Tim Drake & Damian Wayne
Comments: 25
Kudos: 152
Collections: Gift Exchange 2020





	A Night of Merriment and Top Secret Infiltrations

**Author's Note:**

  * For [highonchocolate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/highonchocolate/gifts).



> Well, Ash, here's your gift! I hope you like my fic! (Same to all you other readers!) I worked hard on this, and I really enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> This is a mix of crack, humor, and fluff. (And maybe a tad of hurt/comfort? Very light though.) The whole thing got a touch out of hand, I guess. All the bats are drama queens in this, and they take everything WAY to seriously.

“Nightwing, stop trying to sneak off.”

Dick winced and turned around to spot the Dark Knight standing behind him on a rooftop. He slowly lifted his hands away from his batcycle.

“Uh … sorry B?” He tried.

Bruce grunted and turned away.

Dick sighed. Why had he even bothered? Tonight was too high-risk for Bruce to let slide someone sneaking off.

*****

“Are you sure I have to be here?” The Signal asked Oracle over the comms. “It’s night time!”

“For the last time, Signal,” Babs commanded “The Big Bats himself insisted. You haven’t been around for one of these before, but let me tell you, he gets anxious.”

“Batman?” Duke scoffed as he jumped to a new roof. “Anxious?”

Barbara sighed tiredly. “It’s the worst night of the year.”

*****

Black Bat stepped to the edge of a roof, lifting her leg into a turned out and pristine arabesque. Her arms were up and out, reaching towards the edges of the skyline. She lifted her standing foot to the tips of her toes, balancing for a long moment, before launching into an intricate piece of improv to music only she could hear.

Anything to keep the butterflies in her stomach away.

*****

The Spoiler stabbed viciously, methodically, with the rage of a thousand warriors. The deep red liquid spurted suddenly out of the gash, pooling between her finger tips.

“Aha!” she cried, and took a sip from her capri sun.

“Are you serious right now?” Harper asked, staring at Stephanie, who was eagerly gulping from her drink.

Stephanie sighed. “Oh, my young padawan, how naive you are. These few hours of darkness, which usually be a haven to our kind, have turned against us on this unholy night, the night of-”

“Yeah, I’m out of here.” Harper slid down a fire escape.

“You’ll be back!” Stephanie cried. “This night is too special, it shall call you!”

*****

“You got any extra ammo?” Red Hood asked, checking his gun

“Yeah.” Batwoman pulled some from her utility belt.

“Cool, I’m in the mood to shoot something.”

“Just as usual or …”

“Both. I can’t handle this night.”

***** 

Robin scowled down at the store, soft music lifting up through the air from it’s open door, tickling his ears.

Things were too happy in this city.

Especially for tonight.

*****

Red Robin shivered, not from the cold - though Gotham this time of year was always freezing - but from something deeper. A primordial fear.

Flamebird patting him on the shoulder. “Chill out, Red. This won’t be too bad.”

Tim rolled his eyes. “And why would you say that?”

Bette grinned. “Because tonight, we’re all in town!”

Tim nodded in acknowledgement, but couldn’t shake the feeling that this whole thing was going to end very,  _ very _ badly.

*****

“Cullen, what is your status at home base?” Bruce asked over comms as he looked over the city from the top of Wayne Tower. He had broken away from Dick, and continued patrolling on his own.

Cullen sighed heavily over the comms.

“This is of the utmost importance,” Bruce pressed. 

Cullen sighed again, but answered. “The cookies are out of the oven and on the plate, Batman. Nothing has happened to them so far.”

Ah, the cookies. The pinnacle of Christmas time in the Wayne household. Everything rested upon them. And every Christmas Eve, for the past fifteen years, they had been in peril.

It started on a cool night, on December 24th, only a few months after Dick had joined the family. The cookies were set out on a table by the fireplace as they always had been, and Bruce sat in a huge armchair nearby. Dick had been sent to bed earlier that night, despite him being adamant he had to be awake when Santa came, to watch him eat the cookies and thank him for the gifts. Bruce had sighed, and promised he’d thank jolly, old Saint Nick for Dick. Said child had gone to bed disappointed, but Bruce knew that the next morning would brighten his spirit.

It was around midnight that Bruce had fallen asleep, nodding off to the faint sounds of Christmas music Alfred had been playing while he prepared tomorrow’s breakfast. He smiled softly to himself, sure that all was right with the world, and nothing could go wrong.

This was his mistake.

Bruce had awoken the next morning to a small Richard Grayson bouncing on his chest, grinning and cheerily talking about how Santa Claus actually  _ had _ arrived that night and eaten his cookies!

Bruce had sat up straight, and stared with wide eyes at the plate which had at one point held his breakfast. It was now no more than a few crumbs.

Bruce had turned stricken to see Dick’s shining face, but couldn’t bring himself to ask the boy if he had done the dastardly deed. He had to put on a brave face.

Bruce had later checked the security footage of the Manor - much to Alfred’s disdain - but found no evidence. It was as if a flash of shadow darted across the screen, and his cookies were gone.

Bruce had thought this was an isolated incident, and why wouldn’t he? It had been Wayne family tradition for years to have those cookies rest in a sacred place all night long, only for everyone to come down in the morning, and eat them while opening presents. 

It was not, in fact, an isolated incident.

The same thing had happened the next year. And the next. And the next. Bruce was almost positive Dick was responsible, but he couldn’t confront the boy. His certainty dimmed when Jason came into his home, and the cookies kept disappearing. Then Barbara started to spend time with them. And then Tim came. Then Cassandra. Then Stephanie started joining them. then Kate and Bette as well. Then Damian came. 

This year would be the first that Duke spent at the Manor, and Harper and Cullen would be a part of the festivities as well.

That was why Buce had set the only non-vigilante trained child he knew to protect the cookies while the others were out. It was why he insisted  _ everyone _ patrol on Christmas Eve, with no one sneaking off. It was why he had upgraded his security just the week prior, changing his password every hour and eight point nine minutes.

“Good work, son.” Bruce said as he looked over the city he had sworn to protect. Just like he would protect those cookies.

No one was going to steal them this year.

*****

“And this is how we’re going to steal the cookies this year,” Barbara said, using a laser pointer to highlight a specific part of her presentation.

Tim’s eyes were wide in appreciation at the set-up. Everyone had been busy for the Chanukah celebrations earlier in the month, with way more guests than usual, so the crunch time had been even more limited than in the past. And yet somehow, Barbara Gordon had managed to pull through.

“You’ll each be separated into teams,” Babs continued.

“I have placed each entrance point in your information packet, along with a list of weak points, and how much I can help with the security system. Bruce really upped his game this year, but it shouldn’t be too hard.”

Oh yeah, they weren’t in the Manor at the moment. Not that Bruce knew that.

After patrol, everyone had snuck out of the house right before the system went online, and sequestered themselves in the Clocktower, away from Bruce’s bugs and miscellaneous spy equipment. To cover, each person had an ultra realistic silicone body double, fully heated and with an operational circulatory system. Babs had even gone as far as to record them while they slept - Tim’s little stalker heart was both proud and scared by that realisation - and played it at specific volumes as to fool the old bat.

But now, they were outside their target zone. With less than four hours to work with.

Dick raised his hand, and Babs paused to nod at him. “Thanks,” he said, “Look, I am really proud to see how far this has gone, since my humble beginnings at the wee age of-”

“Hurry it up, Dick. We don’t have all night.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Anyway: how are we going to distract Bruce? You mentioned he took caffeine pills earlier, and has been meditating to increase his efficiency.”

“Wonderful question, my dear boy,” Babs said, a glint in her eyes. “You see, I have contracted an outside party to aid in that regard.”

At the confused looks, she pressed a button and the computer set up. It switched to the Manor’s camera feeds to find Selina Kyle, dressed in silk pajamas and a robe, sprawled out on a sofa opposite Bruce in his chair in the living room. She was smiling coyly and waved her hands as if she were telling a story.

There was a collective “Aaaaaahhh.” at the sight.

“Think that’ll distract him?” Barbara asked, smirking.

“Oh yeah,” Tim answered as he looked at Babs in awe, “You really thought of everything, didn’t you Babs?”

“Why, I did!” She answered, and grabbed a stack of thick folders. “Including your homework. Now, the teams are as follows…”

Everyone was excited to hear the names, especially since they only had three hours and counting. Plus, they wanted to know who their partners would be.

There was, however, some outrage when it came to some of Barbara’s choices.

“Steph and Cass?!” Harper demanded, eyes wide.

“That can’t be right!” Jason said, “They’ll just make out the whole time! We need reliable teams!”

“Excuse me?” Stephanie demanded, positively offended. “Cass and I are  _ professionals _ .”

“Steph, your hand is literally on my sister’s ass.”

“So?”

Barbara sighed and continued reading off of her list. Kate was partnered with Harper, and they seemed satisfied. Same for Duke and Jason, who fist bumped. Bette and Dick stared at each other for a long moment after their names were called before cheering.

“And that leaves Tim with Damian.”

Oh no.

Tim’s eyes were wide as he silently pleaded with Babs for her to reconsider, but the woman had an iron will.

Now, it wasn’t like Tim and Damian’s relationship was as bad as it had been when they first met. In fact, the pair had come a long way in the three years since Damian had joined the family. The bitter rivalry had simmered down to harmless taunts of a more friendly kind. The once-harsh insults and cutting remarks were now harmless bantering. Damian was contrite for his previous actions, and had subtly tried to make up for it. Tim had found that he actually enjoyed spending time with the brat, and he was actually quite cute while he cuddled with his animals.

But three full hours together? Under tense circumstances? With such dire consequences for failure? Tim was sure Damian would combust. They would need a Christmas miracle to make it through the night alive.

“Let’s get in the Christmas spirit, okay boys?” Barbara said more than asked, her smile forced.

Tim sighed and glanced over at Damian, who was looking away. For a second, he thought he saw Damian give a small smile. But then he noticed the kid was looking at Dick. Of course.

Tim nodded, looking back at Babs. She smiled without force. “Good. Now, let’s get started, shall we?”

*****

_ “Cullen - our agent on the inside - will be opening key points of the Manor. A window here. A door there. But he won’t be there to help you afterwards.” _

Tim grabbed the ledge of the third story window and swung himself up onto the balcony. He reached down to offer a hand to Damian, but the boy was already climbing up by himself.

“You good?” He asked quietly as the pair slowly approached the french doors.

“Tt, of course!” Damian snapped, and gingerly plucked the paper clip which had been holding the door open a fraction of an inch.

They moved inside, and through the empty halls. They weren’t near any of the bedrooms, so if they got caught here, there would be no excuse of ‘using the bathroom’, or ‘getting a glass of water’. Not to mention they were together. Tim and Damian easily made the most suspicious pairing of the night. Why on earth had Barbara placed them together?

Tim sighed and put those thoughts out of his mind as he and Damian approached the end of the hall. They crouched down, and the smaller of the two brothers rolled out a small orb. It bumped against the far wall, and the pair could hear the quiet hiss as smoke shot out. Only when the sound had ceased did they dare to peak around the corner.

Lasers.

Bruce had set up a freaking  _ laser grid _ down the main hall.

Damian glanced back at Tim and frowned - well, more than usual. “Are you sure you are able to proceed? You are not nearly as agile as Richard.”

Tim snorted. Of course. He’d expected this; the small boy complaining the whole time because he wasn’t with the Golden Child.

“I’m plenty agile, Damian, and you know it.” 

To prove his point he swept around the corner and, keeping to the shadowy edges of the hall, made his way through the maze of lights that if triggered would spell certain doom for him and all his siblings. 

Damian scoffed, but followed quickly. They got to the end, and Tim couldn’t help but smile. Bruce was completely failing at security this year, wasn’t he?

*****

_ “When everyone has gotten in and past the edges of security, you’ll congregate at the top of the main steps. Duke will provide cover. From there, separate once again.” _

Tim and Damian arrived at the top of the stairs at the same time as Kate and Harper. The others were already there, spread out around the landing. Dick - as always - was swinging from the chandelier, whilst Bette attempted to climb on. They were both being quietly admonished by Cass, who was quite intent on not being caught this year. And chandelier swinging, she had decided, was completely contradictory towards that objective. 

Meanwhile Duke and Jason were along the sidelines, taking part in what seemed to be an epic version of Rock Paper Scissors. Steph was sitting on a widows ledge, draped out elegantly. The image was destroyed, however, when a loose stuffed animal got tossed over from the Rock Paper Scissors game, and hit the Purple People Eater square in the head. She fell off and onto the floor.

“Imbeciles, the lot of you!” Damian quietly scoffed, which got everyone’s attention.

“Oh…” Bette said, from where she had finally gotten up into the crystal jungle gym.

Duke smirked over, but got swept under the leg by Jason’s life-size cardboard cutout of Neil Patrick Harris.

“Relax, kiddo,” Steph said as she rose up. “We’re all here, aren’t we?”

Damian scoffed, but didn’t say anything further, which was essentially a concession from him. 

Duke rose from the floor, rubbing his elbow, and glared at Jason. “I think we’re ready to go.” he muttered, and everyone assembled around him, before lengthening out into a line.

Duke raised his hand in a ‘halt’ position, and Tim sucked in a breath. The moment was tense and still. No one moved. Then, suddenly, Duke extended his arms, pointing down the stairs. A wall of shadows rose up from the floor, arching over the banister, and effectively shielding their path from the cameras.

“GO! GO! GO!” Duke called out, as loud as he dared, and they were off.

Dick was first, running forward and leaping onto the railing. He swung down, riding the path down and into the shadows.

Kate was next, and though she also went down, she didn’t bother with the theatrics. Right as she disappeared, a noise sounded from amongst the group. Tim startled for a moment, but relaxed when he realised what it was.

“Bum bum BUM BUM bum bum  _ bum bum  _ bum bum BUM BUM -  _ dallala _ .  _ Dullala. Dullala dulu. _ ”

“Harper, why on earth are you humming the _ Mission: Impossible _ theme song?” 

“I’ll give you one guess.”

Tim snorted, but didn’t get to see how the argument finished, as he was next up. 

The descent down the banister was pretty much the same as usual - you couldn’t be a Wayne without flying down the steep polished wood at least once - but the shadows added a new dimension to the experience. Not bad, per se, but different. 

When Tim made it to the bottom, He looped around the end and took refuge in an alcove. The others were already gone.

A second later, Damian joined him.

“Tt, let’s be going. The mission is not over yet.”

Tim sighed, but let the tiny former assassin take charge of the situation, and lead them down the hall towards their target.

*****

_ “The teams will then be divided into two groups: those who take the vents, and those who don’t.” _

“Why are you stopping?” Tim demanded, almost hitting his face into Damian’s feet. The kid had halted abruptly, with no warning.

“I don’t see  _ you _ looking for traps, Drake.” Damian sneered, his words cutting out sharply, and reverberating down the metal encasement of the Manor’s vent system.

“Well, that would be because I’m behind you.” Tim snapped back. “Seriously Damian, even you should be able to tell that much.”

Damian huffed, but didn’t move. He seemed to be thinking about something - though what could be so important as to slow down the mission the former assassin had so vehemently declared to be the most important of their lives, Tim didn’t know.

A moment later, Tim let out a sigh of relief; Damian had started to move again. He crawled as quickly as he could, while still maintaining as much silence and minimal jostling as he could. The vents may have been old - hence why they were so large - but Bruce had remodeled them a while back, no doubt adding as many …  _ surprises _ as he could.

They made it to a junction between vents when Damian spoke again.

“Drake, why on earth are you breathing so loudly? Hasn’t Father taught you anything about regulating your breath?”

Tim closed his eyes but didn’t say anything.

“Really,” Damian continued as he took the turn Barbara had marked out on the map she had provided them with, “You should know better.”

“Well I’m sorry I’m not perfect,  _ Damian _ .” Tim snapped as he followed through the vent.

Damian sniffed, and Tim could feel his upturned nose from so far back. 

“No one is.” He muttered. Then paused. After a moment, he continued. “Well, except perhaps Cain or Richard.”

Tim ground his teeth. “Oh boy, you didn’t get your way! I’m not who you wanted!  _ Boo hoo _ .”

“If you continue to act like such a child, Drake, I will be forced to mention this in my report to Oracle following the completion of our objective.”

Tim groaned. “Oh,  _ I’m _ the child? Have you looked at yourself recently?”

“At least I have been performing at an optimal level of skill. It is rather a pity that I have been placed with a subpar partner, but Oracle must have had her reasons. Richard, of course, must be struggling without my assistance. You wouldn’t understand, but -”

Tim was rolling his eyes at Damian’s speech. He was only thirteen, Tim understood that. And he was entitled to act childish and bratty. But goshdarn was it annoying. And it hurt a bit as well. Did he  _ really _ not want to spend time with Tim that much?

It was during this time that Tim caught a glance of something in the seam of vent over Damian’s shoulder. It was just past a grate, where the bolts usually held the metal walls together, so no one would usually spot the extra black circles on the sides. But Tim did. And he knew exactly what they were.

“Damian!” Tim hissed, his eyes wide in fear. But the kid didn’t notice, just continued on with his rant, and closer towards the invisible laser grid that he would inevitably crawl straight through.

Tim was right over the grate, and had a moment of inspiration. There was no way he could just stop Damian from moving; he did n’t have the leverage. But he used a bit of gravity ….

Tim fumbled with the grate below him, shoving it out and forcing it to swing on its hinges., and sticking his legs through. As he started to fall, the former Robin grabbed his little brother’s ankle, and they both came crashing down from the ceiling, and onto the hardwood floor of an adjacent hallway. Tim cushioning Damian’s fall.

“What on earth was that stunt, Drake?” Damian demanded as he rose from the tangle of limbs. He didn’t bother softening the blows of his knobby elbows and knees, which Tim did  _ not _ appreciate.

“I was only saving us from getting caught!” Tim yelled as loudly as he could. He tried to tell himself to take a breath. To calm down. To realise that Damian hadn’t noticed the lasers. 

“What trap?” Damian scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

Tim sighed, and ran his fingers through his - according to Steph and Alfred - too long hair. “There was a laser grid directly ahead of you, if I hadn’t pulled us back, we would have gone straight through and alerted Bruce. I thought you wanted this mission to be a success?”

Damian glared him down. “If there had been a laser grid, I assure you I would have spotted it -”

“Oh will you quit it already?” Tim demanded, and Damian’s eyes widened in surprise. He clearly hadn’t anticipated the anger coming from Tim. 

“Look, I get it.” Tim continued, already on a role. “You weren’t satisfied with your partner. You didn’t want to work with me, and you’ve made it  _ abundantly _ clear. But it’s Christmas Eve, and this was supposed to be fun. It’s a family bonding experience, and no matter how much all of us complain to be allergic to those, it’s tradition. And an enjoyable one at that. But you’ve gone ahead and ruined it for me. I thought it would be nice to work together! There was a small part of me that actually thought you could handle it. That you might enjoy my company as well. But clearly I was being naive. All you’ve been is a little brat to me - it's like we’re back to where we were years ago! At least you haven’t tried to kill me yet. But I wouldn’t be surprised if you had a dagger up your sleeve at this very moment! Would it kill you for one moment to just shut up about Dick, or even Cass, and get your head in the game? To act professional?”

Damian had unfurled his arms, and they hung loosely by his sides. He opened and closed his a few times, and Tim actually felt a bit bad about it. Was he too harsh? He meant all of it, but Dick had told him you had to be careful when dealing with Damian. 

“Hey, I’m sorry.” Tim began after taking a deep breath. He frowned at Damian. “Can we just … move on? I’m really hungry and -”

“I thought you didn’t want to be partnered with me.”

Tim blinked. “I - what?”

Damian frowned down at his feet, and crossed his arms again. But his body language was all different - Tim didn’t need to be Cass to get that. It was more fragile, and defensive. Less anger, more … hesitation.

“I …” Damian bit his lip, and Tim blinked again. “I requested Oracle place us together yesterday. You had been too busy to take me to the zoo the week prior, and I had assumed that this would be an adequate substitution. Gordon had approved. But then I saw your face earlier when you had found out. You … didn’t look happy.”

Damian glanced up at Tim’s face before casting his eyes aside.

Tim opened his mouth for a moment, before closing it again. He looked curiously at Damian’s face, not quite sure what he was searching for.

“You wanted to spend time with me?” he asked quietly, and Damian looked back up at him. The boy didn’t say anything in return, but his eyes spoke for him.

Tim smiled then, things making sense to him now. Damian had been more standoffish and harsh than usual to protect himself. Lashing out so that no one could hurt him. 

Tim laughed softly, once, before reaching forward and pulling Damian into a hug. The kid stiffened at the sudden contact, but slowly relaxed into the arms wrapped tightly around him.

“Sorry I yelled at you, Dami.” Tim whispered into his brother’s soft black hair. 

He didn’t expect anything in response, and so was a touch surprised when Damian sniffled and muttered a small “I’m sorry as well.” In return.

It was a long moment later, in which they enjoyed the rare embrace, that Tim realised they were standing in the middle of a hallway in Wayne Manor, when they were supposed to be on a mission.

“What do you say about getting some cookies?” Tim asked, pulling Damian away to arm’s length, and his heart swelled at the small smile Damian gave him. 

“I believe that Father would be entirely too happy to wake up to two cookies awaiting him in the morning.”

And they were off.

*****

_ “Upon reaching the living room, each team will work to sneak past Bruce and take their cookie. The authorised distraction will be engaged at that point. No more than one per person - I’m looking at you, Dick.” _

“How do you want to play this?” Tim asked from where he and Damian were perched in the alcove by a bookshelf on the far side of the room. The cookies were just in sight.

“Let us wait till the others have proceeded,” Damian returned, lifting a pair of binoculars to his eyes. Entirely useless in the room, but Damian seemed to be having fun.

“A wise choice - looks like the others are here before us anyway. Probably waiting for us to arrive.”

“Of course they waited - we  _ are _ the best team after all.”

“Best team, eh?” Tim asked, pointing to where Stephanie and Cassandra were emerging from the shadows. “What about them?”

Damian sniffed, and watched as the blonde crawled behind a sofa, then peaked around the corner at Bruce. The distraction was working wonderfully, Selina moving closer and closer towards the target - whose rapt attention was on her approach. Cass then slunk over Steph, using her as a muffler for noise. Then they swung themselves around the leg of the furniture, and sent themselves into a violent slide under the coffee table. A small hand peaked out from their spot, and plucked two apricot swirl cookies from the plate. 

The pair slid back to their hiding spot behind a reading chair, and Bruce was none the wiser.

Tim nodded appreciatively, but Damian waved him off, his attention fully on the next pair to try their luck.

The shadows surrounding the base of the coffee table and surrounding furniture seemed to deepen to pure black, then extended slightly. Tim could spot the path that Duke was taking under the maze of couches and loveseats - Jason no doubt back in their spot. The teen was invisible in his shadows, displaying a much less risky version of Steph and Cass’ plan. Although, he  _ was _ coming from a completely different side of the room. The moment was quick when the cookies disappeared, and Tim almost missed it. But he didn’t, and was able to see Duke sneak up to grab the precious packages.The timing was spot on, in sync with the moment Selina made some comment about a tea shop, and Bruce tilting his head back in a sigh. The shadows dissipated as the perpetrator receded back to a pile of blankets by the mountain of bean bag chairs.

Damian and Tim looked at each other, silently approving of the newest Wayne’s methods, yet aware they wouldn’t be able to pull it off.

The next pairing was by far the most ambitious they had seen that night. And risky.

Selina had finally crept close enough to Bruce to grab his face and pull him into a deep kiss. (Tim briefly considered covering Damian’s eyes, but decided the kid would bite his hand off if he tried) 

It was when both the bat and the cat’s eyes were closed that the pair struck. Tim barely held back a gasp when he saw Dick bungee jump from somewhere in the lofty rafters, in a full rig. The wire bounced just enough for him to pluck a single cookie from the plate, and fly back up into the darkness within a split second. 

It was just in time for Bruce to pull back from Selina, taking a break from the kiss. When he initiated another one, Bette dropped just as suddenly as Dick, and followed his actions. The cookie was in her hand as she bounced back up to the rafters.

Tim opened and closed his mouth for a moment, staring at where the pair had just been located. He was  _ not _ expecting that.

“Of course Grayson would go to such …  _ extremes _ .” Damian scoffed. Tim shushed him, but agreed. Seriously, what was Dick thinking? Did he know how risky that was?

Probably. That was part of the thrill for him - Bette too.

Tim hoped that Harper and Kate would prove to be less flamboyant, but he was quickly proven wrong.

The pair appeared near the back of the room, in a direct line from behind Bruce. They stood up straight, in full view. Then they engaged in what appeared to be a choreographed parkour routine, across the space. When they reached the spot right behind their target, they dropped to the floor and initiated an army-style crawl around the legs of the sofa. 

Tim could swear he saw Selina’s eye twitch in frustration as she witnessed their antics.

Finally, they settled under the sectional, a couple yards from the coffee table. Harper pulled some metal contraption from behind her back, and unfolded it into a gigantic metal arm. She cranked something on the side, and the device extended forward quickly till it reached the plate, and delicately plucked two of the sugary treats from their original place. (Tim was silently impressed at the precision shown)

Then the arms retracted just as quickly and silently. Kate grabbed the two cookies from it’s grip, and the two disappeared after yet another long passage back to their placement.

Tim took a breath. “Just you and me, Dami.” he paused. “Gosh, we should have thought of a plan, shouldn’t we? Crap.”

“Not to worry, Timothy.” Damian whispered. “I have this covered. We move on my mark.”

Tim knit his eyebrows together in confusion, but readied himself to move nonetheless. 

Damiam pulled something from his pocket, and lifted it to his lips. He blew out, but made no significant sound.

Tim glanced forward, to their target, and frowned in worry. Selina seemed to be losing Bruce’s attention.

“Now!” Damian cut out, and the pair were off.

Tim let Damian take the lead, following closely behind. They moved along the side of the room rather than traversing the archipelago of furniture. The path was a bit winding - they had to duck behind some curtains and the piano to avoid being seen - but the choice proved to be a good one. Damian raised his hand when the pair reached a spot halfway across the living room’s edge, revealing a direct path to the cookies. 

“Are you crazy?” Tim demanded, seeing how open the way was. “Bruce will catch us!”

Damian smirked, then blew into the object he had been holding before. Tim’s eyes widened when he realized what it was.

A dog whistle.

Just then, a bark came from the previously quiet room. Bruce and Seline darted up, looking around wildly for the source. It was only when they looked behind them, when they saw Titus and Alfred the Cat taking part in a vicious fight.

“MOVE!” Damian hissed, and Tim pushed down his shock as they ran full speed toward the cookies, no debris blocking their way. They grabbed the last two cookies, and pivoted quickly to race back across the room. It was quick work to make their way back to the alcove behind the bookshelf. 

Tim settled down on the floor, and stared at Damian. “You made your pets fight each other? I thought you hated them getting hurt!”

Damian scoffed. “As if I would intentionally harm any animal. Really, Timothy, are you blind?” He smiled proudly, puffing up his chest. “They were play-fighting. The scene was staged. I trained them to do so after hours of work, and it turned out well. They are quite the thespians, wouldn’t you agree?”

Tim laughed, and tilted his head back. “You, Damian,” he said, raising his cookie, “are full of surprises.”

Damin preened under the praise and bit down on his cookie. Tim mimicked the action, and grinned at the delicious flavor of Alfred’s baking. His Christmas cookies were positively divine. 

But something was off.

Tim blinked slowly as he tried to figure out what was wrong. The cookies tasted great, that was normal. But something was different about them. 

He locked eyes with Damian at the same moment, and he saw the panic in his little brother’s eyes. He knew what was wrong.

Tim titled his head, trying to work through his thoughts, but his mind was growing foggy. It must be late, that’s it. Everything was normal.

Then Damian keeled over and into Tim’s lap. 

_ Oh, _ he thought as the darkness on the edges of his vision swelled and encompassed him,  _ the cookies were drugged. _

*****

Bruce looked around the room, picking out where each of his children - and cousins - had stationed themselves. 

“They all asleep?” Selina asked from his side, knowing what he was doing. 

“Yes,” he grunted, a touch annoyed. “The sedatives were supposed to be the last line of defense. They shouldn’t have made it this far.”

Selina sighed. “Are you honestly surprised, though?”

Bruce huffed, and went to the pair closest to him: Stephanie and Cassandra. He picked up the girls, separating them from where they’d been wrapped up together, and rested each one on his shoulders. Then turned around and brought them to the pile of pillows and blankets in front of the fireplace. After setting them down, both girls tucked into each other, their limbs tangling once more.

Bruce sighed looking down at them, content. But he didn’t stop yet. He found Kate and Harper next, and had to take two trips - and no, that was nothing against his cousin; she was just tall - in order to get them both by the fire.

He grunted when picking Jason up from his spot, but didn’t care all that much. He was still grateful he could carry his son across the room, that his son was alive and with the family, and  _ here _ . 

He was grateful for Duke as well, the boy was new, but he still had Bruce’s heart. And if He smiled a little when his foster son hummed and tucked his head into Bruce’s shoulder, well … no one had to know.

Finding Dick and Bette had been a touch more difficult. While he knew they must have taken part, he was a bit stumped as to where they could be. Then Bruce heard a soft snore from above him, and looked up at the rafters to spot the pair tangled in harnesses, draped over the beams.

While it took some effort, they both made it to the sea of cushions.

Finally, Bruce made his way to the hidden area behind a bookshelf where Tim and Damian had made themselves comfortable. His eyes crinkled upon finding his youngest draped across Tim’s lap, the latter of whom had his arms wrapped protectively around his little brother.

Bruce picked them both up, careful to avoid jostling them as he made his way back to the others. He chose a spot closer to the fire than the others, knowing full well how Damia despised the cold. From what he had seen before, Bruce was fairly certain Tim wouldn’t mind.

He stepped back, satisfied with his work, taking the moment to take in the peacefulness of the picture. One they so rarely achieved in the family.

“They look like a litter of kittens, don’t they?” Selina asked, coming to join Bruce at his side.

He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close and hummed in agreement.

They stood there for some time, taking in the soft snores of his children - and cousins - the crackling of the fire, and the warm glow it cast over everything.

“Did they actually fall for it?”

Bruce and Selina turned to find Cullen standing in the door, a wide grin on his face, and a large purple bathrobe - probably Stephanie’s - wrapped around himself.

Selina smirked at him. “Why yes, yes they did.”

Cullen nodded and walked farther into the room. “Didn’t think they’d get this far did you?” Bruce grunted in acknowledgement and Cullen continued. “Didn’t you update the security system recently? I wonder how they got in.”

Bruce nodded, he’d been wondering the same thing. He suspected Barbara had aided them, but couldn’t be sure. Cullen - who’d been acting as a spy - hadn’t been able to locate any locations for meetings, now proof of anyone’s involvement.

Bruce was so deep in thought, he didn’t see Selina and Cullen share a fist bump.

“Well, they are your children -”

“And cousins.”

“-Bruce. Of course they'll make it past your security.”

Bruce grunted in acknowledgement. But that didn’t mean he was happy about the fact. Those cookies were supposed to be his. They were supposed to be safe.

“Why don’t you go rest, darling?” Selina asked Cullen, turning away from Bruce to where she had her arm wrapped around the teen.

Cullen sighed but went forward anyway, and settled down between his sister and Bette. After a minute of futzing around and getting himself situated, Cullen calmed enough to close his eyes. After another minute, yet another small snore joined the chorus.

Selina and Bruce moved to the sofa overlooking the kids, and settled down. Selina tucked into Bruce's side, and he grabbed a blanket to throw over them.

“Merry Christmas, Bat.” Selina murmured before closing her eyes.

Bruce leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. “Merry Christmas, Cat.”

Across the room, basking in the glow of the fire, Damian hummed and snuggled closer to Tim’s chest. 

**Author's Note:**

> BOOM! What'd you guys think? Comments and Kudos are all HIGHLY appreciated.


End file.
